Afternoon sessions and Sanatan Ashram Ramnathi

The pre-lunch sessions can stretch quite long as I have a tight schedule dictated by Sanatan Ashram Ramnathi. There are times when I miss my lunch. As Sanatan Sanstha has adviced me not to eat food outside, I spend many days without any proper food. It is a small sacrifice I make in the service of my Guru, Dr Jayant Athavale and I do not mind it at all; in fact, I am quite proud of this and other sadhaks praise this attitude.

Post-lunch Sessions and Satsangs

Even though I may not have eaten anything, I still must attend the afternoon satsangs. Several personality defects have been identified in the morning sessions and I must do penance to rid them from my inner self. This will enable me to lose myself and my identity. The subjects of these satsangs revolve around Gurukrupayoga, personality defect removal process, importance of Samashti seva as well as importance of traditions and different festivals as prescribed by Sanatan Dharma. Sanatan Sanstha has a very good collection of publications and through the scientific research conducted by Spiritual Science Research Foundation or SSRF in short, they have explained the scientific reasoning behind our traditions.

There are several repetitions in the subjects, I do not mind this. I am still a novice and have a lot to learn. I have sacrificed my life to sit in the lap of my Guru, Dr Jayant Athavale.

Post afternoon sessions

I leave for my prachar work as soon as the satsangs end. I spend about four hours in the morning and afternoon prachar sessions. The return to Sanatan Ashram Ramnathi is around 7 pm, just in time for a light dinner. Dinner is very simple and consists of rice and dal. The hectic schedule and the Chaitanya of the ashram ensures that my diet intake is very less.

I do not mind even though I have lost a lot of weight during the three months at Sanatan Ashram Ponda.

Once our dinner is over, we attend a session of personality defect removal process for a couple of hours. Then, we have free time. We spend this time discussing various issues facing the country and the excellent steps undertaken by Sanatan Sanstha to resolve them. Such discussions generally last for two to three hours and it is generally 11 pm by the time I go to sleep. I don’t feel like sleeping and hence I spend at least another hour or two in doing naamjap – chanting.

I am accountable to my time and feel that sleep is actually a waste of time. I should rather use this time for some productive work. Contacting my family is also a waste of time. I don’t have anything to discuss with them. I don’t attend to their calls most of the days. I hope they get the message and leave me alone. I will contact me when I need something from them, like clothes and money. Otherwise, they should not worry about me and disturb me in my seva. Sanatan Ashram Ramnathi is taking good care and has everything I need.

Morning routine at Sanatan Ashram Ponda

My day at Sanatan Ashram Ponda starts at 6.00 am officially as decided by Sanatan Sanstha. I usually get up early at around 5.00 am and do some surya namkaskar. I have been facing turbulent times owing to the negative energies unleashed by my family and Surya Namaskar helps me to negate the effect. This has been prescribed by the sanstha as naamjap is not helping me much.

The routine at Sanatan Sanstha

The day at Sanatan Ashram Ponda starts at 6.00 am when all the followers of Sanatan Sanstha get up to start their daily routine. We offer thanks to God for allowing us one more day in which we can provide service to our Guru, Dr Jayant Athavale. Then we get busy in cleaning ourselves. Sanatan has prescribed the ideal way for these activities and these have been ingrained by us totally. There is a different system of taking bath, we are advised to take bath without removing the clothes. This has to be done so that the positive energies accumulated during the night stay at the ashram are not washed away. I think, this rule has been implemented as bathing space is restricted and there is no privacy. But, I cannot question the rule otherwise I will be called a non-believer and will again have to undergo penance.

Once these activities are completed, we can proceed to have our breakfast. This is referred as Nahari in our parlance. We communicate through special words; this makes us feel important and part of a group. There are many such words and phrases and these are not known to others; not even by ordinary sadhaks. Breakfast is simple and wholesome and consists mainly of upma or any other Indian preparation. Tea, coffee or any other preparation is available as per requirement.

Chanting and PDR process

Immediately after breakfast, we start the naamjap at the meditation room. Generally, a small Pooja is held every day; but this is not elaborate. The Chaitanya at the ashram is at such a high level that such traditions need not be followed there. I found this difficult to digest as a ritual like the Morning Pooja is practiced everywhere. But I could not question, I had no right to question my Guru, Dr Jayant Athavale. The naamjap or chanting sessions would last for almost 2 hours followed by at least one hour for in-depth analysis of personality defects. Inmates in teams of 20 each would gather around a coordinator and identify the defects identified during the previous day. These would be analyzed by the group and the coordinator would identify the correct process to rid them.

Both these sessions used to tire me out as I noticed that much of the time was taken up in identifying my defects. I assumed this was because the others were participating for many years and had rid themselves of their personality defects. Sanatan Sanstha attributed the tiredness to the negative energy within me and I would be advised to attend a satsang for the next couple of hours.

As I was involved in samashti seva and would have to leave immediately, I would have to attend the satsangs late in the evening.

The morning sessions were packed back to back with little time gaps in between. This was done to take advantage of the positive energies of the environment and to charge us up for the daily routine. However, these left me feeling very tired.

Sanatan Ashram Ponda and routine life

Life at Sanatan Ashram Ponda is now settling down to a routine. My day is managed and controlled by the sanstha. They have developed a routine and I follow it religiously. The day is divided into different activities called seva. Some part is devoted for spiritual enlightenment, some for chanting, a major part  personality defect removal process and the rest for contemplation.

Samashti Seva

I like to meet new people and can converse fluently with them. Sanatan Sanstha has identified this as my strength. I also like to travel to new places and am comfortable traveling in local buses and finding my way back. I am also able to convince people to join the sanstha and request for donations, sell our newsletters and other publications. In fact, I was collecting the highest amount of donations in my area and this was praised by the saints many times during their regular visits to Satara.

It is but natural that Sanatan Ashram Ponda gives this seva to me. I am first asked to tour all over Goa till they decide which area can accommodate me. I travel to their Panaji, Madgaon and Ponda area offices as well as the sub-offices under them. My rakshak has been given a different work (I think, they do not like our bond) and I do not have any regular coordinator. However, a sadhak (generally male) must accompany me during any visit outside the ashram. Generally, the localites pick and drop me. This is a logistical nightmare, as a person staying at Panaji has to travel 40 kilometres to pick me, we travel another 40-50 kilometres to reach Panaji and the same kilometres for the return journey. Besides wasting time and money, it stifles me as I am an independent woman and do not like to be dependent on others.

However, Sanatan Sanstha terms this as samashti seva for the sadhaks and does not allow me to venture out alone.

Danger venturing alone

I am told that there is danger in venturing alone. Evil forces are shadowing us and attack sadhaks travelling alone. Several have been attacked in the past and women sadhaks have been harassed. I have never faced such issues in the past nor have I heard of such things. But, the sanstha puts its foot down firmly and I have to follow their instructions.

Because of this inconvenience, I miss my lunch or dinner many times. By the time I return, lunch or dinner hours are over and I don’t get anything to eat. I have to go to sleep hungry. The ashram forbids personal food of any kind, nor am I allowed to eat outside. I am told that the enemies may try to poison me. As I am accompanied by sadhaks everywhere, I have to suffer this.

The samashti seva is praised profusely and in many satsangs and bhaitaks it is repeated that I am sacrificing even my food so that there is no disturbance in my seva.

The time spent in such sevas leaves me very little time to contact my family. I am unable to attend to their phone calls. In fact, I tell them or call them very late at night when I know that they must be sleeping. The fragile bond breaks further.