The story so far at Sanatan Ashram Ponda

I have gone through many ups and downs since the last few months after landing at Sanatan Ashram Ponda. I was expecting to spend the rest of my life in pursuit of spirituality and service to my Guru, Dr Jayant Athavale, but frankly, things have been quite different. I do not realize it at that time; my mind is still controlled by Sanatan Sanstha and I still cannot think rationally.

A typical Hindu Ashram

Positive thoughts about Sanatan Ashram Ponda

If asked about any positive points at Sanatan Ashram Ponda, I can still identify several. 

• There are several sadhaks – followers of Sanatan Sanstha, who are seriously into spirituality. They are committed to this. There is nothing wrong about this. The ashram provides them a perfect place to practice. It provides a place to stay and also provides for some basic necessities of life like food. It is very peaceful.
• Some of the occupants have bitter experiences and have nowhere to go. They had some personal experiences and wanted an escape from their past. Sanatan provides them this without asking any questions. Yes, they have to prove that they are serious in their spiritual efforts, but money can manage many things.
• Sanatan Ashram Ponda is also a good place to learn Sanskrit and study our Vedas and Shastra, provided you draw your own inferences and do not depend on the meaning provided by the sadhaks.

Negativity at Sanatan Sanstha

Apart from the techniques of mind control practiced by followers of Dr Jayant Athavale, there are several negative issues. I may be labeled a shaitan by Sanatan but these issues need to be brought to the notice of normal Hindus. 

• The first and the foremost is the worship of Guru. Hindu Dharma does not allow for Guru worship. Sanatan Sanstha, however, preaches this very actively. Dr Athavale is the center of attraction. Life at Sanatan Ashram Ponda revolves around him. Gurupoornima is the only festival celebrated at the ashram. Most of the satsangs, dharmavargs and religious discourses center around the importance of the Guru. In fact, this dominates all discussions to such an extent that we do not follow any significant religious activities.
• Sanatan Ashram dictates your life; you have to follow their instructions. You have to obey them. People lose their independence. Sanatan controls all aspects of your life. You have to take bath in the manner they specify, you have to eat when and what they say. I am not even allowed outside food; I spend several days without food.  Sleeping patterns are dictated by them.
• Sanatan controls the flow of information. Outside information is filtered. Communication channels with outside world are cut off. You cannot even speak freely with your family. Incidentally, when the family visits you, they forced to sit in a particular corner of the swagat kaksh. This was pointed out by my rakshak once I regained my rationality. We never discovered the reasons behind this.

My doctor has advised me to look at some positive aspects of my stay at Sanatan Ashram Ponda. This will alleviate the sense of guilt to some extent. It is difficult to identify any positive outcome of my association with Sanatan Sanstha – at least as of now.

Heartbreak corner – Sanatan Ashram Ramnathi

I have a very tight schedule at Sanatan Ashram Ramnathi. This leaves me little time to speak with my family; I am so tired sometimes that I cannot even respond to their phone calls. My husband is very understanding. The fights we had early on have now given way to some civilised conversation; I still need him to provide for money, clothes and other essentials of life. Though others think that I have taken Sannyas, I still live a life of Grishta ashram and follow the practises of Sanatan Sanstha. The only difference is that I live in an ashram and don’t have any responsibilities towards my family, my responsibility is only towards my Guru, Dr Jayant Athavale.

Deep Hurt

I am also deeply hurt that my parents have contacted me only once. I spoke to them after I landed at Sanatan Ashram Panvel. I am very close to my father and his attitude has hurt me very badly. How can he not understand the inner feelings of his little daughter? Why is he so insensitive, why has he become so uncaring? I refuse the sanstha’s explanation that demonic spirits are controlling him; my father cannot be possessed by evil spirits; he is too strong for them.

The H-bomb and my numbness

One day while waiting for a bus back to Sanatan Ashram Ramnathi, I run into an old acquaintance staying near my parent’s house. On seeing me, he tries to turn away, but I run after him. I must speak to him; I have to speak to him. Why does he have to run away? Have I done something wrong? I am doing good work, I am promoting Sanatan Dharma, what is wrong about it?

After exchanging niceties, he again tries to dodge me. He avoids my searching eyes; he is hiding something from me.

I finally muster enough courage to ask him about my parents. I accuse them of being insensitive and uncaring. He flinches and then becomes angry, very angry. He shouts at me. I am shocked. His wife takes me on one side and asks me softly when was the last time I spoke to my parents.

I know something is wrong, something is seriously wrong.

Her next words are more shattering; they ring in my ears; they still do after so many years.

She tells me that soon after I left, my father suffered from a paralytic stoke and his entire left side has been affected. He cannot speak or he refuses to speak.

I am devastated, shocked and numbed. I search for words but find none.

They leave immediately without answering any further questions. I am also not in the condition to ask any more questions.

I am drained, all my life juices have flown out of me.

Like a robot, I reach Sanatan Ashram Ponda.

Why me? What have I done wrong? Why should I be punished like this?

Afternoon sessions and Sanatan Ashram Ramnathi

The pre-lunch sessions can stretch quite long as I have a tight schedule dictated by Sanatan Ashram Ramnathi. There are times when I miss my lunch. As Sanatan Sanstha has adviced me not to eat food outside, I spend many days without any proper food. It is a small sacrifice I make in the service of my Guru, Dr Jayant Athavale and I do not mind it at all; in fact, I am quite proud of this and other sadhaks praise this attitude.

Post-lunch Sessions and Satsangs

Even though I may not have eaten anything, I still must attend the afternoon satsangs. Several personality defects have been identified in the morning sessions and I must do penance to rid them from my inner self. This will enable me to lose myself and my identity. The subjects of these satsangs revolve around Gurukrupayoga, personality defect removal process, importance of Samashti seva as well as importance of traditions and different festivals as prescribed by Sanatan Dharma. Sanatan Sanstha has a very good collection of publications and through the scientific research conducted by Spiritual Science Research Foundation or SSRF in short, they have explained the scientific reasoning behind our traditions.

There are several repetitions in the subjects, I do not mind this. I am still a novice and have a lot to learn. I have sacrificed my life to sit in the lap of my Guru, Dr Jayant Athavale.

Post afternoon sessions

I leave for my prachar work as soon as the satsangs end. I spend about four hours in the morning and afternoon prachar sessions. The return to Sanatan Ashram Ramnathi is around 7 pm, just in time for a light dinner. Dinner is very simple and consists of rice and dal. The hectic schedule and the Chaitanya of the ashram ensures that my diet intake is very less.

I do not mind even though I have lost a lot of weight during the three months at Sanatan Ashram Ponda.

Once our dinner is over, we attend a session of personality defect removal process for a couple of hours. Then, we have free time. We spend this time discussing various issues facing the country and the excellent steps undertaken by Sanatan Sanstha to resolve them. Such discussions generally last for two to three hours and it is generally 11 pm by the time I go to sleep. I don’t feel like sleeping and hence I spend at least another hour or two in doing naamjap – chanting.

I am accountable to my time and feel that sleep is actually a waste of time. I should rather use this time for some productive work. Contacting my family is also a waste of time. I don’t have anything to discuss with them. I don’t attend to their calls most of the days. I hope they get the message and leave me alone. I will contact me when I need something from them, like clothes and money. Otherwise, they should not worry about me and disturb me in my seva. Sanatan Ashram Ramnathi is taking good care and has everything I need.

Freedom at last

The transit and Sanatan Sanstha

Sanatan Sanstha has identified the route, has made fool proof plans and coordinated my escape. My escape from a stifling environment, from relationships that were binding me down and were not allowing me to fly away, were not allowing me to follow the spiritual path and were stopping me from going on the path of Moksha. I am free, totally free.

Why am I feeling empty inside me? Is it because of the tensions, is it because of the hunger (I have not eaten anything throughout the day) or is it the feeling of Chaitanya? Am I really free?

I reach Sanatan Sanstha ashram Devad. I am not accustomed to traveling alone but the sadhaks have told me that I have to make this journey alone. It is symbolic, very symbolic. I am touched, I have cried throughout the journey and am excited to have at last reached my destination. The Devad ashram is only a transit point, it exists to filter the essentials from the non-essentials.

I catch an auto from the bus-stop and reach the ashram. As per the instructions, I call up my husband and inform him that I am at Panvel and I am safe. Why should I tell him? I am leaving him finally. I don’t question the instructions, but the first doubt comes to my mind.

Why inform my husband?

The Sanatan Sanstha Ashram Devad is a welcome sight. I feel as if I have reached a holy place; I bow down my head and kiss the steps. Some sadhaks are loitering near the entrance. They ask my identity and immediately a couple of them take me to the main room. Others close the main gates arnd arrange themselves around it.

The first question I am asked is; have I informed my husband? Have I told him that I am at Devad ashram? Have I given a written statement at the police station? No questions about my health, if I have eaten anything, nothing? I reply to all their questions and take a look at the main room. There are several other sadhaks and all appear to be waiting for something to happen; they appear to be tense.

I am given something to eat and I retire for the night. I am accompanied by two or three female sadhaks. They too appear nervous but don’t discuss anything. We go to sleep, but I cannot sleep. I lie awake the full night thinking about my Guru, Dr Jayant Athavale and seekings his blessings.

The next morning, I again notice many sadhaks roaming around in the compound. All people appear to be tense. I have not yet switched on my mobile. Now, I am advised to do so and respond to all calls and tell everyone that I am at Sanatan Sanstha Ashram Devad.

This cycle repeats for one complete week. There are no activities throughout the day but only counseling sessions. The police phone me up one day to gather my whereabouts. I am told to expect the call and am also told to contact one person before responding. I reply as per his instructions.

What is Sanatan Sanstha waiting for? Why am I not allowed to proceed towards Goa?

Sanatan Sanstha and one week at Devad

My flight from my home has been an exhilarating experience; aided actively by Sanatan Sanstha. I feel as if I am in a kind of stupor. But the next seven days bring me down to earth. I am stuck up at the Devad ashram. I am not allowed to even go out in the compound but kept all day inside the ashram. There are several counselling sessions but no spiritual activity. All sadhaks appear to be tense and uneasy. I get a very nervous feeling but think that my hyper-sensitive nerves are to be blamed. I am counselled by many people; advocates meet me and question about the nature of my husband. When I tell them that he is very docile, they appear to be disappointed. A lady psychologist speaks to me at length. Some people with considerable authority also meet me. The initial questions relate more about my family. I think they are trying to gauge their reactions or are they trying to provoke a particular reaction?

I was asked to keep in touch with my husband and was coached on what to speak and what to speak. I was also to invite them to visit me at the ashram. I and the sanstha were both surprised when this did not happen. My parents also never called me up, why?

This is around the same time that news about the abduction of two sisters by Sanatan Sanstha had broken in media channels. I never met them and I was told that they had been shifted to a safer place. The media attention was much appreciated as the sanstha got an opportunity to air their views. Yet, some people appeared tense. I realised much later when I was on the other side of the table.

Transit to Ramnathi

Finally, after one complete week, I left for Goa. All arrangements had been made by Sanatan Sanstha, even ticket booking was done by them. They had also arranged for an auto to drop me to Panvel station. I was accompanied by two male sadhaks.

Finally, upon arrival at Madgaon railway station, I felt relief. I visualised Guru, Dr Jayant Athavale welcoming me and trust me I could feel him and his Chaitanya. A car was waiting to pick me up.

There were smiling faces in the ashram. I was welcomed and everybody rushed to welcome me. After Devad, this was very welcome. I could gauge the difference between Devad and Ramnathi immediately.

Why was there so much difference between Devad and Ramnathi? Why were sadhaks tense at Devad? Were they waiting for some unpleasantness? It appeared that they were looking forward to it and were disappointed when it did not happen. Was I the cause for all this? Was I expected to do something?

I did not dwell on these issues; I was busy soaking up the Chaitanya of the ashram. I felt as if I was reborn and the rebirth would now lead me on the right path.

Why Does Sanatan Sanstha Say Guru is Everything

Sanatan Sanstha starts differentiating

I am now totally enamoured by Sanatan Sanstha. I am a changed person. My beliefs have undergone a drastic change. I am unlearning the past experiences and learning new things; absorbing new ideas and beliefs. My opinions are changing; my behaviour is changing. Sanatan has worked its magic band on me and has created a different persona through psychological methods. Dr Jayant Athavale has used his experience and education to brainwash me without any outward hypnotic methods. I am mesmerised by the sanstha.

The focus is now on differentiating the sanstha from others. The changes are subtle and far-reaching.

Guru is everything says Sanatan Sanstha

They have been stressing the importance of the Guru in spiritual pursuits. Our Vedas and Puranas and other holy scriptures say that the Guru is a guiding star; his role is to take us on the correct path; to show us the correct path.Sanatan Sanstha quotes extensively from such holy books.

Sanatan starts off by teaching me these from the scriptures. Guru and Gurukrupayoga are stressed in all satsangs. They start with a prayer to a God and then a prayer to the Guru seeking his blessings. Slowly the tempo is built up. I think of my guru; Dr Jayant Balaji Athavale, as the only true person in this world. I think that only his preaching is correct. Sanatan Dharma is Sanatan Sanstha and Jayant Athavale is everything. I see the sadaks everywhere; I feel the presence of Sanatan everywhere – in all my actions, all my behaviour and all my thoughts. I am because of the sanstha.

Chaitanya at Sanatan Sanstha

My thoughts are filled with feelings of Chaitanya because of Sanatan Sanstha. I feel Chaitanya everywhere. I am so full of it that I forget everything else. I go through the daily chores as if I am in a trance. I cook because of the need for cooking, I eat because my physical body needs food – not to satisfy my family’s needs. I forget many household chores; I do not do them on time. My daughter falls behind in her studies, I think it is because of her prarabdha, the karmas of past lives. We have to experience them; we have to live through them and do good karma. Then only we can nullify them. I do not share my daughter’s prarabdha, hence I am free of it. I have no part in it.

My Guru is protecting me. My Sanatan Sanstha is protecting me.

I have an easy solution to my daughter’s problems; she should join whole-heartedly with me. The Chaitanya and Guru’s blessings will get rid of her bad karma. That is the only solution. My husband wants me to concentrate on her; wants me to devote time. But, where do I have the time? I ask him to do so. Another fight, another smart bomb.

My Guru is everything, My Sanatan Sanstha is everything. I don’t need anything else in life. I want Mooksha and only Dr Jayant Athavale can give it to me. Nobody else can and nobody else will. My soul is crying for freedom from the physical body.

Broken Dreams and Broken Relationships.