Sanatan Sanstha does not trust me

Some of the changes were subtle, but I got a feeling that Sanatan Sanstha does not trust me. I had tried to hide my true feelings, but they had read them. I could not meet my rakshak alone, nor could I call anybody without someone within earshot. My privacy was being invaded and I could do nothing about it.

Life goes on

I decided to shake off the feeling and continue with life. The next time my husband called me up, I was in Sanatan Ashram Ponda. I spoke normally with him; I knew that some sadhak was trying to listen to our conversation. I did not leave the room. I did not question him about my father; in fact, I did not speak to him about my father. Let him and the sanstha think that I am still unaware of my father’s condition. I had to think this out; I had to seek answers to several questions, I was still unaware of the questions.

The nights used to be spent in thinking; in compartmentalizing my doubts. Two important questions were

• Why did my husband not tell me about my father’s condition?
• Would Sanatan Sanstha stop me from visiting my father?

I had no idea what was going on; I was boiling inside but still the show had to go on.

I confront my husband

Things slowly started reverting back to normal once again at Sanatan Ashram Ponda. Sadhaks lost interest in me. I was becoming my old self again and had put the news behind me – or had I? Outwardly, I became normal, went out every day for prachar seva; attended all personality defect removal satsangs, spent time in chanting, would praise the Chaitanya of the ashram.

Inwardly, it was different.

I got an opportunity to speak to my husband from outside the Sanatan Sanstha Ashram. I used to call him only at night. This would ensure that we could speak freely without any disturbance and for a long period of time. But, one day, I called him from the bus stand. My minder had wandered off somewhere and I made sure that he was not nearby.

I called my husband. He picked up after many rings. I asked him straight away why had he hidden my father’s illness from me? What right did he have to hide such things from me?

He did not speak for quite some time, he allowed me to cool down. He offered no excuses, he just said that they thought that I did not care. I did not care about my family. I was beyond caring. They had called, my brother had called me as well as the swagat kaksh at Sanatan Ashram Ramnathi. I had not responded to either call. He had come to the ashram; he was told that I was not interested in meeting him. He had told the sadhaks at the counter that my father was hospitalized. They refused to let him meet me.

This was another shock. My husband does not lie. He must be speaking the truth.

I remembered that my brother had tried to meet me at the Sanatan Sanstha Ashram. I was busy in some work and I did not meet him. I remembered that he had called me several times. I was busy and had not responded. But, the ashram had not passed on the message about my father’s illness. They had not told me that he was hospitalized.

My rakshak was right after all. I could not trust Sanatan Sanstha. 

No escape route from Sanatan Ashram Ramnathi

I am deeply affected on hearing about the paralytic stroke attack on my father and want to leave Sanatan Ashram Ramnathi for a day and visit him. My rakshak, an angel in disguise advises me against doing so. What is the harm, why would Sanatan Sanstha not allow me to do so? I will come back; I want to come back. My spiritual journey has just started under the guidance of Dr Jayant Athavale. I don’t want to discontinue it.

No exit door at Sanatan Sanstha

I don’t believe that there is no exit door in Sanatan Sanstha. I have been told repeatedly that the doors of Sanatan Sanstha Ramnathi are always open, we can come anytime we want to and leave whenever we want to. Then, why does my rakshak say otherwise? Does she have any previous experience? She refuses to discuss this any further.

I need to start thinking on these lines. But my mind just does not cooperate. On one hand, I want to go immediately and inform the sanstha about the advice given by my rakshak. But, something stops me just in time. I don’t disclose anything about the conversation in the next day’s personality defect removal process. I am asked about the previous day and the reason for my actions. I cook up a story. The sadhaks don’t believe me but they don’t question me either. I can feel that they have lost a little bit of trust in me.

End of trust

Sanatan Sanstha takes some measures immediately. I am still allowed to go out but now sadhaks pick me from Sanatan Sanstha Ashram and drop me back inside it. I am not left alone for a single minute. There are other restrictions, I can feel them. I am shadowed continuously even in the Sanatan Ashram Ponda. It is not obvious but I can feel it. A sadhak always accompanies me for all the activities. I know her as she has been in the ashram for quite some years. She tries to gain my trust. She offers to share new information or help me with clothes. But, in my heart, I simply cannot trust her.

I feel all alone now. I cannot meet my rakshak even for one minute. I cannot attend any phone calls; she is always within earshot. She sleeps on the bed next to mine. I feel as if I am trapped.

Why should I feel trapped? Is it my mind that is playing tricks on me? Am I imagining thinks; searching for evil intensions where none exists?

Sanatan Sanstha is educating people on the proper Dharma, it is giving education; scientific education on Hindu Dharma, why should it restrict people leaving the organization? There is no reason to do it. I think, my mind is playing tricks on me. Perhaps, the rakshak is not a good person, she seems to have evil intensions and is trying to defame Sanatan.

I am confused. On one hand I am very much concerned about my father’s health, and on another I am worried about the sanstha.

Sanatan Sanstha welcomes my family

Sanatan Sanstha is keeping me so busy with different sevas that I appear to have lost count of time. I no longer remember the date or the day. There are no calendars around Sanatan Sanstha Ashram and it was really difficult to keep track of time. I had a mobile with me but I used it very sparingly, checking on it only once a day or so.

My husband visits Sanatan Sanstha

Anyhow, after about a week, I think, my husband finally came to see me at the Sanatan Sanstha Ashram. He had called the previous day to confirm if I am available. I was very excited about the visit as I would be seeing my daughter after almost a month. I could not sleep that night.

I took special care that day and woke up early at around 4 am. As per our daily schedule, we would wake up at 5 am and start the day with prayers and chanting. I woke up an hour early to thank my Guru; Dr Jayant Athavale. He had made this visit possible otherwise my husband would have never visited Sanatan Ashram Ponda. Now, he would feel the Chaitanya of the ashram and would understand my work. He would accept the sanstha totally and allow me to continue my good work and start supporting Sanatan. Maybe, he would also join me in the sanstha. I was a little bit worried that he would lose his temper and create a scene there.

Sanatan Sanstha prepares for the visit

I was assured by Sanatan Sanstha that he would not be able to force me back to my home. They counselled me that he would not join the sanstha though I wished for it. He was a total non-believer and would never support me. The sadhaks reminded me of the insults he had uttered against the sanstha. this was not correct, he had never insulted me or the sanstha, he had only opposed it. But I could not bring myself to reveal this to them. They were not willing to listen to me. They drummed up several accusations against my husband and they did it just before his visit.

I was also asked to make him wait for at least an hour before meeting him.

Sanatan Sanstha appeared to be instigating me very purposefully. I had no other option but to follow their instructions. After all, I could not think logically anymore.

As per their instructions, I made him wait for more than an hour before meeting him. I refused to meet him alone and insisted that a sadhak remain present with me always. I was very surprised to see him alone, I was expecting my daughter. He did not offer any explanations. The sadhak, I don’t remember his name, started by explaning to my husband the reasons for my flight. He heaped accusations on my husband and called him many vile names. As per the instructions, I also got into the act and accused him of gross negligence.

He was silent through-out the tirade, he did not utter anything in his defence. In fact, he was very calm and composed. Even when I refused to come back with him, he did not argue with me and neither did he cajole me to come back. After about an hour or so, another sadhak offered to show him around Sanatan Ashram Ponda. He only requested me to accompany him. I agreed as I was also emotionally drained and wanted to see his reactions. The tour ended in 10-15 minutes as he was not at all interested. I took him to the Dyan Mandir as I knew that he spent a considerable time in meditation even at home. After a couple of minutes, he left me and reached the Swagat Kaksh of Sanatan Ashram Ponda on his own.

I followed him downstairs but, in order to avoid spending time with him alone, I took another lady sadhak with me. He did not utter any words and I was waiting to see a positive reaction from him, one that would indicate that he had accepted my decision and had changed his attitude towards Sanatan Sanstha. There were no expressions on his face; neither of happiness, acceptance or even sadness. He handed me some clothes and some money. I felt like refusing him but I had little option. I was running out of money and I had no clothes of my own. He enquired about my health and asked me to take care of myself. He would always be behind me and would help me in all possible manner.

I felt like crying when he said this because I knew that he would keep his promise no matter what sacrifices he had to make. I told him that I just wanted to meet my daughter and if he could bring her to visit the ashram. He expressed some reservations about bringing her.

The visit was an anti-climax. I had tried my level best to provoke him into a fight. I had tried all my old tactics, but he refused to have a fight. Sanatan Sanstha had also provoked him and insulted him in front of me yet he refused to lose his temper. It appears that this round went to him, he succeeded and I failed. I was now afraid that Sanatan would take out their ire on me.

But for me, it was

Broken Dreams and Broken lives.

Initial euphoria and Sanatan Sanstha

Sanatan Sanstha creates a sense of euphoria

The initial days at Sanatan Sanstha creates a sense of euphoria within me. I feel a sense of belonging; a sense of belonging and a supreme sense of Anand or bliss. I am aware that I am missing something; missing the company of my family but I have no time to dwell on it. The sanstha does not give me time to dwell on it. The thought enters my mind but whenever I think about it; I start thinking about sewa, my guru Dr Jayant Athavale and the other sadhaks. Just a couple of weeks at Sanatan Ashram Ponda has been enough to program my mind so much that I cannot even think independently. I realise this later, much later and the realization is brought about by a big tragedy. I will take you through the tragedy at a later stage.

Tears still well up in my eyes even today as I write about that period. How could I do it? How could I lose control of my mind? What did they seek to achieve through mind control? I shudder to even think what could have happened had I not escaped in time.

Broken Dreams and Broken Relationships.

Attachment with Sanatan Sanstha

The attachment with Sanatan Sanstha is so strong that I need their permission to even breathe. I do not think that this is a bad thing, after all, my Guru, Dr Jayant Athavale is to lead me on the correct path and I should surrender myself to him.

The attachment also means that I open up about my inner most feelings and thoughts with the sadhaks. This is done very skilfully. After all, they are experts in mind control. Slowly but surely, in a matter of days, I have narrated my life history and have opened up about my relationships. I have shared my innermost feelings and my deepest fears. I have shared such experiences in my earlier posts.

The sanstha now turns my positive memories into negative ones. Each of my experiences are made out to be bad ones and it is instilled that my family was never mine in the first place. I was just an instrument in their hands and they used me – my family, to fulfil their physical needs. My parents, my husband and my daughter are all selfish. They do not understand me and don’t want to understand me. Sanatan Sanstha stops just short of calling them shaitans, demons and devils. I cannot tolerate this nomenclature but I accept their reasoning.

I also share several other details with Sanatan Sanstha, most of them not connected with spirituality. I have forgotten the advice given by my rakshak and in my haste to please my masters, I have opened  my family to unforeseen dangers. I am in no condition to gauge this. My mind is now controlled by the sanstha, I follow the path laid out by Dr Jayant Athavale. I am not free, I am a zombie.

A week at Sanatan Ashram Ponda

Sanatan Sanstha counsels me

After a frustrating week at Sanatan Ashram Devad, I reach Sanatan Ashram Ponda. My flight so far has been tiring but very exhilarating. My mind is kind of numb, I can only feel Chaitanya all around me. The week at Devad was very depressing. I had plenty of time and nothing much to do. I had started doubting the decision. The next week, at Ponda, changed my thought process. I felt alive seeing all the sadhaks busy in promoting Sanatan Dharma and engaged in their own spiritual pursuits under the direct guidance of the Guru. I did not meet Dr Jayant Athavale and was told that he is engaged in deep meditation as the world was facing a severe crisis.

The feel of Sanatan Ashram Ponda

All the occupants appeared to be very happy; we call it Anand and the nearest definition in English is Bliss. They appeared to have a daily routine and would be engaged in various activities. The ashram was very peaceful, Sanatan Sanstha ensured that there was total tranquillity. People spoke very softly and sweetly; there were no quarrels and the occupants were always ready to help each other. I had never experienced such peace in my life. My rakshak was very helpful, she would not leave my side. She was my companion for the initial days; she was my guide during some very turbulent times. I got very close with her and she helped me find my way. She, however, never shared any personal details with me and advised me not to share any such details with anyone.

Ignore the advice at your own peril

Sanatan Sanstha and the spiritual pursuits appeared to be intertwined.  I was yet to be fully exposed to this. As a preparation, I needed to be counseled properly; they called it the unlearning process. More of this will be touched upon at a later stage.

My rakshak had not shared any personal details with me. But, during my interaction with the Sanstha, I was asked several personal questions. One day, when my mental condition had improved, I was called to one small meeting room with 3-4 occupants. I was asked to describe my experiences from the beginning. During the process, I was asked several probing and personal questions; I was not comfortable with answering some of them but was told that I needed to open up so all negative energies could be removed.

Some questions related to the income and wealth details of my family, their attitude, and political connections. I was asked about my relatives and their financial status. Both sides of my family are well to do and my in-laws are also politically well connected.

One continuous refrain was the absence of any effort from my family to take me back. I too was surprised and frankly a little hurt. Nobody had met me during the past 10 odd days. It hurt me. The sadhaks asked me to continue receiving calls from everyone and to invite them to visit Sanatan Ashram Ponda.

The week at Ponda provided me the first insight in the working of Sanatan Sanstha. I was very happy and delighted. I felt that the true difference between happiness and Anand. My rakshak was very cooperative and helpful. Sanstha used these days to counsel me to remove the negative vibes from my body. I was hurt that none of my family had come to meet me.

The initial days – Sanatan Ashram Goa

Sanatan Ashram – a safe sanctuary

After spending almost, a week at Sanatan Ashram, Devad, I reach Sanatan Ashram, Ponda – the main temple where my Guru, Dr Jayant Athavale resides. I can feel the Chaitanya of the place from far. I step down on the railway station and feel the presence of my Guru.

Sadhaks whisk me away quickly to the ashram and I feel enveloped by powerful positive vibes. I feel that I have reached a safe place. There are many sadhaks in the reception area; it is referred to as Swagat Kaksh but I am taken directly to a small room. The room has only two beds and soon another lady sadhak joins me. She introduces herself (will not disclose her name, but she plays a very important part in my experiences at the ashram).

I do not have any belongings with me; I have not taken anything from my home as per the advice of the Sanstha. A dress was arranged at Devad, so I have just two dresses. She arranges for some clothes; they are all sarees and other assortment; all ill-fitting.   Sarees are good as they don’t come in sizes and can fit anybody. I think about the saree collection I have left behind on the advice of Sanatan. I had plenty of good dresses and sarees.

Making myself at home – Sanatan Ashram Ponda

My coordinator (I will call her my rakshak; because that’s her role) sees that I am comfortable and have some daily requirements. She takes me on an extended tour of the ashram starting with the third floor. Sanatan Sanstha has designated the third floor as sleeping quarters. The five-floor high building has different sections but the most private one is the third floor. Once I am settled in and freshen myself, I am taken to the dining area where I take some food.

I meet the main trustee of the Ashram. I know him as I have met him earlier at Satara some years back when I had just joined Sanatan Sanstha. He had given a series of talks on the attacks on Hindu Dharma and Sanatan Dharma and how devotion to our Guru, Dr Jayanat Athavale can save us and the mankind. The office has several other persons; I don’t remember all of them but there is a doctor and a psychologist and a couple of saints. They enquire about my health and about my journey. After spending just 10-15 minutes on these topics, they change it very naturally and start talking about my family and a lack of response from them. One of the saint even comments that my family was expected to take drastic action against Sanatan Sanstha as they are well-known Sanstha-haters. They are surprised that no such action has been taken and no efforts made to talk to me and ask me to return. They show this as a lack of love from their side; a lack of understanding.

This is the first time that I think about the muted response from both my family and parents. They have urged me to return many times on the phone but even after 10 days, they have not visited me or come to meet me. My father, the one closest to me, has not even talked to me. This is their selfishness; this is a proof that they never loved me. Sanatan Sanstha has stood with me in these difficult times. My Guru, Dr Jayant Athavale has stood with me during such times.

Sanatan Sanstha counsels me

Sanatan Sanstha and one week at Devad

My flight from my home has been an exhilarating experience; aided actively by Sanatan Sanstha. I feel as if I am in a kind of stupor. But the next seven days bring me down to earth. I am stuck up at the Devad ashram. I am not allowed to even go out in the compound but kept all day inside the ashram. There are several counselling sessions but no spiritual activity. All sadhaks appear to be tense and uneasy. I get a very nervous feeling but think that my hyper-sensitive nerves are to be blamed. I am counselled by many people; advocates meet me and question about the nature of my husband. When I tell them that he is very docile, they appear to be disappointed. A lady psychologist speaks to me at length. Some people with considerable authority also meet me. The initial questions relate more about my family. I think they are trying to gauge their reactions or are they trying to provoke a particular reaction?

I was asked to keep in touch with my husband and was coached on what to speak and what to speak. I was also to invite them to visit me at the ashram. I and the sanstha were both surprised when this did not happen. My parents also never called me up, why?

This is around the same time that news about the abduction of two sisters by Sanatan Sanstha had broken in media channels. I never met them and I was told that they had been shifted to a safer place. The media attention was much appreciated as the sanstha got an opportunity to air their views. Yet, some people appeared tense. I realised much latter when I was on the other side of the table.

Transit to Ramnathi

Finally, after one complete week, I left for Goa. All arrangements had been made by Sanatan Sanstha, even ticket booking was done by them. They had also arranged for an auto to drop me to Panvel station. I was accompanied by two male sadhaks.

Finally, upon arrival at Madgaon railway station, I felt relief. I visualised Guru, Dr Jayant Athavale welcoming me and trust me I could feel him and his Chaitanya. A car was waiting to pick me up.

There were smiling faces in the ashram. I was welcomed and everybody rushed to welcome me. After Devad, this was very welcome. I could gauge the difference between Devad and Ramnathi immediately.

Why was there so much difference between Devad and Ramnathi? Why were sadhaks tense at Devad? Were they waiting for some unpleasantness? It appeared that they were looking forward to it and were disappointed when it did not happen. Was I the cause for all this? Was I expected to do something?

I did not dwell on these issues; I was busy soaking up the Chaitanya of the ashram. I felt as if I was reborn and the rebirth would now lead me on the right path.

Freedom at last

The transit and Sanatan Sanstha

Sanatan Sanstha has identified the route, has made fool proof plans and coordinated my escape. My escape from a stifling environment, from relationships that were binding me down and were not allowing me to fly away, were not allowing me to follow the spiritual path and were stopping me from going on the path of Moksha. I am free, totally free.

Why am I feeling empty inside me? Is it because of the tensions, is it because of the hunger (I have not eaten anything throughout the day) or is it the feeling of Chaitanya? Am I really free?

I reach Sanatan Sanstha ashram Devad. I am not accustomed to traveling alone but the sadhaks have told me that I have to make this journey alone. It is symbolic, very symbolic. I am touched, I have cried throughout the journey and am excited to have at last reached my destination. The Devad ashram is only a transit point, it exists to filter the essentials from the non-essentials.

I catch an auto from the bus-stop and reach the ashram. As per the instructions, I call up my husband and inform him that I am at Panvel and I am safe. Why should I tell him? I am leaving him finally. I don’t question the instructions, but the first doubt comes to my mind.

Why inform my husband?

The Sanatan Sanstha Ashram Devad is a welcome sight. I feel as if I have reached a holy place; I bow down my head and kiss the steps. Some sadhaks are loitering near the entrance. They ask my identity and immediately a couple of them take me to the main room. Others close the main gates arnd arrange themselves around it.

The first question I am asked is; have I informed my husband? Have I told him that I am at Devad ashram? Have I given a written statement at the police station? No questions about my health, if I have eaten anything, nothing? I reply to all their questions and take a look at the main room. There are several other sadhaks and all appear to be waiting for something to happen; they appear to be tense.

I am given something to eat and I retire for the night. I am accompanied by two or three female sadhaks. They too appear nervous but don’t discuss anything. We go to sleep, but I cannot sleep. I lie awake the full night thinking about my Guru, Dr Jayant Athavale and seekings his blessings.

The next morning, I again notice many sadhaks roaming around in the compound. All people appear to be tense. I have not yet switched on my mobile. Now, I am advised to do so and respond to all calls and tell everyone that I am at Sanatan Sanstha Ashram Devad.

This cycle repeats for one complete week. There are no activities throughout the day but only counseling sessions. The police phone me up one day to gather my whereabouts. I am told to expect the call and am also told to contact one person before responding. I reply as per his instructions.

What is Sanatan Sanstha waiting for? Why am I not allowed to proceed towards Goa?

Flying away

The bird has flown

The time between the last big fight and my flight has given me time to plan my escape. It has given time to Sanatan Sanstha to make certain arrangements. The flight has been planned very professionally. The final decision is mine, it seems. But the sanstha has been egging me during the last ten-day period. Some sadhaks are always near my house within shouting distance. They have been told to create a ruckus in case I shout for help. I am told to shout for help in case my family does something.

Some sadhaks phone me regularly, they call me every hour and particularly when my husband is not at home. They get this information from the watchers. I am encouraged by their words; they praise me for the bold step that I am about to take. They speak as if they are worshipping me. They tell me how proud my Guru, Dr Jayant Athavale will be of me; how I am an example to the society.

They have shown me how to reach Sanatan Sanstha Ashram at Devad, Panvel. I should take a bus as my family can stop the train and check anytime they want to. I should reach the Panvel Ashram on my own, otherwise, the sanstha can be accused of kidnapping.

I have to give a written statement to the nearest police station stating that I have been harassed by my husband and I am going to Goa for meditation.

Once I reach Panvel, Sanatan Sanstha will step in and make all arrangements. I should not fear as I am doing the right thing.

The flight

The big day comes. I wake up early in the morning and pray to Dr Jayant Athavale to give me strength and lead me on the right path.

I notice that the sadhaks have all withdrawn and there is nobody watching the home.

My husband leaves for his bank at his usual time.

I tell my daughter that I have an errand and will come late, I cannot look into her eyes. I don’t want to look her in the eyes. She is a traitor; she is one of them. Let her suffer like the rest of them.

I switch off my mobile and fly. Fly away to freedom, free from harassment, free to live my own life on my own terms. Free to devote my life with my body and mind for Sanatan Sanstha. Free of the materialistic world. Running on the path of Sanatan Dharma towards moksha guided by my guru, Dr Jayant Athavale.

At last, I am free.

Sanatan Sanstha dictates My Personal Life

Sanatan Sanstha tries to calm waters

Sanatan Sanstha played a double role in my life. They first set my house on fire and now they try to “stop” the fire. They started the fire by making me lie to my family, by losing their trust and by making me frustrated. Just when the fire threatened to engulf my home completely, Sanatan steps in to douse the fire.

The Reconciliation Process

The sanstha lays the blame squarely on my family. They say that it has never supported me as they have a tamasic nature. They are idol worshippers but do not follow the true Sanatan Dharma as laid down by the scriptures. They show me several evidences that evil spirits have gained control of my home and my family. They show black spots on old photos, they show how idols in my home have turned black (the idols are silver idols and become black due to oxidation as per science, Sanatan Sanstha says that they become black when evil spirits are present).

They try to counsel my family. The sanstha asks them to join them and propagate Sanatan Dharma. My father-in-law is a well-known social worker. He objects and argues with them. He points out their defects and asks them to leave the house. This is shown as further proof about my family. My father-in-law is now totally against the sanstha. Sanatan suggests that I and my family separate for some time. I go to live at my parents’ house in Pune. 

My husband comes to take me back and I reluctantly agree. By this time, my parents have also turned against the Sanstha. I promise not to do anything with the sanstha.

But, why should Sanatan leave me alone? They have invested a lot in me; time and energy and I am now open to their suggestions.

They call me up repeatedly. I hide the calls from my husband and family. I go out and secretly meet them. Now, the second part of the reconciliation process happens.

My husband catches up

My husband discovers that I am still involved in Sanatan Sanstha. He tries to understand me and allows me time to adjust. The Sanstha people counsel me that my husband will not change; he does not want to change. I should look after my home as if it is part of the sanstha. I should consider my home as a Satanan Sanstha Ashram and my family members as sadhaks. I should serve them as if I am serving my Guru and the sanstha.

This has disastrous consequences. My mind refuses to accept the difference between fact and reality. I am going mad.

Dr Jayant Athavale has total control on my mind. I am a slave to Sanatan Sanstha. I cannot think of anything else. A hypnotherapist has worked his methods on me through pure psychological methods. He has not hypnotized me, he has brainwashed me.

My husband now gives me an ultimatum, either I stay with him and leave Sanatan else I leave him and align totally with the Sanstha.

Broken Dreams and Broken Relationships.

Sanatan Sanstha and one week at Devad

My flight from my home has been an exhilarating experience; aided actively by Sanatan Sanstha. I feel as if I am in a kind of stupor. But the next seven days bring me down to earth. I am stuck up at the Devad ashram. I am not allowed to even go out in the compound but kept all day inside the ashram. There are several counselling sessions but no spiritual activity. All sadhaks appear to be tense and uneasy. I get a very nervous feeling but think that my hyper-sensitive nerves are to be blamed. I am counselled by many people; advocates meet me and question about the nature of my husband. When I tell them that he is very docile, they appear to be disappointed. A lady psychologist speaks to me at length. Some people with considerable authority also meet me. The initial questions relate more about my family. I think they are trying to gauge their reactions or are they trying to provoke a particular reaction?

I was asked to keep in touch with my husband and was coached on what to speak and what to speak. I was also to invite them to visit me at the ashram. I and the sanstha were both surprised when this did not happen. My parents also never called me up, why?

This is around the same time that news about the abduction of two sisters by Sanatan Sanstha had broken in media channels. I never met them and I was told that they had been shifted to a safer place. The media attention was much appreciated as the sanstha got an opportunity to air their views. Yet, some people appeared tense. I realised much later when I was on the other side of the table.

Transit to Ramnathi

Finally, after one complete week, I left for Goa. All arrangements had been made by Sanatan Sanstha, even ticket booking was done by them. They had also arranged for an auto to drop me to Panvel station. I was accompanied by two male sadhaks.

Finally, upon arrival at Madgaon railway station, I felt relief. I visualised Guru, Dr Jayant Athavale welcoming me and trust me I could feel him and his Chaitanya. A car was waiting to pick me up.

There were smiling faces in the ashram. I was welcomed and everybody rushed to welcome me. After Devad, this was very welcome. I could gauge the difference between Devad and Ramnathi immediately.

Why was there so much difference between Devad and Ramnathi? Why were sadhaks tense at Devad? Were they waiting for some unpleasantness? It appeared that they were looking forward to it and were disappointed when it did not happen. Was I the cause for all this? Was I expected to do something?

I did not dwell on these issues; I was busy soaking up the Chaitanya of the ashram. I felt as if I was reborn and the rebirth would now lead me on the right path.

Am I alone?

Are there any others like me?

A married woman runs away from home leaving behind a broken home and broken relationships. Did it happen to me only or does it happen to others? Was I deeply brainwashed by Sanatan Sanstha or is it a regular occurrence?

After my return from the clutches of Sanatan Sanstha, I spent a lot of time on this question.

To be truthful, the sadhaks always told me even before I ran away that the ashram had several inmates, mostly women who had run away. Had forsaken their lives and near and dear ones for seeking spiritual upliftment. Many of them were married, but the sanstha preferred that married women to stay behind and take care of household responsibilities. I should look at this as a seva towards Guru and should look at my family as sadhaks. Warning bells still did not go off, after all this is logical.

But their treatment with unmarried young girls is different, very different. They are actively motivated to leave behind their homes and flee to one of the Sanatan Sanstha Ashram. As a senior “sadhak” commented in a very off-hand manner – a married woman with children always has a soft corner towards her children, she will feel the pangs of love; if not for her family, her husband than for her children and will seek to return home. And when that happens, she will leave Sanatan Sanstha. Unmarried young women are a different case; they stay longer, and also manage to rope in their families into the sanstha. Logic, pure simple logic. Or is it a deep understanding of human psychology? Has this strategy been defined as a policy after studying human psychology? After all, Jayant Athavale is a clinical hypnotherapist and has spent most of his life with psychologists.

The real experience:

I experienced this first hand at Sanatan Sanstha Ashram. You can look up all such cases in the newspapers. In fact, four families from my home state, Maharashtra have petitioned the Bombay High Court alleging that young female members have been brainwashed. I was not alone at the ashram, there were scores of females like me, some young and unmarried while others married. Married with children and loving husbands. Broken dreams and broken lives.

Why is the ashram full of women; run away women? Do men not run away? Don’t they leave everything behind to seek Mooksh? The answer is simple; if any men run away from home to join the ashram, they have to manage on their own. Sanatan Sanstha will not provide them the full facilities provided to women. They have to make their own arrangements for lodging and boarding. The unwritten rules can be broken only if he is well connected and has ample funds under his control or is a foreigner. Sanstha knows how to extract maximum mileage. It squeezes out the last drop from men and women, all in the name of spirituality. This is a difference between Sanatan Sanstha and other spiritual and religious organizations.

Think about it, chew it over and draw your own conclusions.

Sanatan Sanstha and its operations

What does Sanatan Sanstha do?

How do religious associations like Sanatan Sanstha operate? What do they do? What do its followers do?

These questions are asked to me daily by people from all walks of life. Ordinary people meet me on the roads and ask me; what did I do in the Sanatan Sanstha ashram? How did I spend my time? I tell them that I was taught about spirituality.

I was wrong, very wrong.

Religious organizations are supposed to follow religious practises, we are supposed to devote time in the devotion of God. All our thoughts should be occupied with the thoughts of God, we should think God, talk God and all our actions should be guided by God.

Sanatan is said to be a spiritual organization. Not only does its website say so, it is repeated several times during the various interactions with the followers – sadhaks and outsiders. It is repeated several times very prominently in their dailies. They stress that Sanatan Sanstha provides complete spiritual knowledge and training. For an organization that was founded only in 1990, this is a very tall claim. They state that their main objective is to present spirituality in a scientific language. So, what is the key difference, or is there a difference between the scores of religious organizations and spiritual organizations?

Sanatan Sanstha is different:

The sanstha does this very differently. It aims to teach spirituality to people. They have a big offering, they conduct satsangs in the Sanatan Sanstha Ashram as well as at its different branches. They conduct balsanskar vargs so that young children are taught about Hinduism, traditions and our culture. They are given information about the various Gods and Goddesses and the festivals and their importance. Looks all okay from the look of it in fact the objective is very impressive. Why should any Hindu oppose such lofty work?

But Sanatan Sanstha then deviates from the trodden path. It has its own agenda and it is not limited to spiritual teachings. No sir, not at all. Spirituality is a disguise, there is something hidden behind the veil.

Slowly and very softly, we are informed that there are millions of Gods and Goddesses and we should not pray to all of them. We should select a few, principally our Kul Devta (the God of our clan) and a couple more. We should spend maximum time in reciting their name. Still okay, nothing suspicious, right.

Now is the stinger.

Slowly and softly again, we are told that the Guru is the true GOD. He is the one and only one. We should pray to Gods as well as the guru. And who is the guru?

You guessed it right, he is none other than the founder of Sanatan Sanstha, HH PP Jayant Athavale. A hypnotherapist turned spiritual teacher. A person who aims to teach people spirituality. His brand of spirituality, his brand of Hinduism, his words and his preaching.

A Guru’s job is to guide us, lead us to the correct path. He is our mentor; he cannot be our God. God is Almighty. We should worship him. We should not worship the Guru. This is what our religion says, this is what our holy books say, this is written in Vedas and Puranas. Don’t trust me blindly, read their website, the message is ever prevalent.

Sanatan Sanstha has turned spirituality on its head. This is not good, not good at all.

I know, I was a part of it. I had run away from everything.