Initial euphoria and Sanatan Sanstha

Sanatan Sanstha creates a sense of euphoria

The initial days at Sanatan Sanstha creates a sense of euphoria within me. I feel a sense of belonging; a sense of belonging and a supreme sense of Anand or bliss. I am aware that I am missing something; missing the company of my family but I have no time to dwell on it. The sanstha does not give me time to dwell on it. The thought enters my mind but whenever I think about it; I start thinking about sewa, my guru Dr Jayant Athavale and the other sadhaks. Just a couple of weeks at Sanatan Ashram Ponda has been enough to program my mind so much that I cannot even think independently. I realise this later, much later and the realization is brought about by a big tragedy. I will take you through the tragedy at a later stage.

Tears still well up in my eyes even today as I write about that period. How could I do it? How could I lose control of my mind? What did they seek to achieve through mind control? I shudder to even think what could have happened had I not escaped in time.

Broken Dreams and Broken Relationships.

Attachment with Sanatan Sanstha

The attachment with Sanatan Sanstha is so strong that I need their permission to even breathe. I do not think that this is a bad thing, after all, my Guru, Dr Jayant Athavale is to lead me on the correct path and I should surrender myself to him.

The attachment also means that I open up about my inner most feelings and thoughts with the sadhaks. This is done very skilfully. After all, they are experts in mind control. Slowly but surely, in a matter of days, I have narrated my life history and have opened up about my relationships. I have shared my innermost feelings and my deepest fears. I have shared such experiences in my earlier posts.

The sanstha now turns my positive memories into negative ones. Each of my experiences are made out to be bad ones and it is instilled that my family was never mine in the first place. I was just an instrument in their hands and they used me – my family, to fulfil their physical needs. My parents, my husband and my daughter are all selfish. They do not understand me and don’t want to understand me. Sanatan Sanstha stops just short of calling them shaitans, demons and devils. I cannot tolerate this nomenclature but I accept their reasoning.

I also share several other details with Sanatan Sanstha, most of them not connected with spirituality. I have forgotten the advice given by my rakshak and in my haste to please my masters, I have opened  my family to unforeseen dangers. I am in no condition to gauge this. My mind is now controlled by the sanstha, I follow the path laid out by Dr Jayant Athavale. I am not free, I am a zombie.