Normal life after Sanatan Ashram Ponda

I always wonder how will I spend the rest of my life post Sanatan Ashram Ponda? Sanastan Sanstha has filled my mind with a lot of junk. It is but natural. They controlled my mind to such an extent that for many years, I could not think of anything else.

Now, I have forsaken Sanatan Sanstha and the twisted logic of Dr Jayant Athavale.

I left behind my family, my relatives, my friends and social groups to immerse myself in spiritual pursuit. That was a mirage. I was sucked into a whirlpool of deceit.

I am coming out of it. My family is pulling me out of it.

But, I find it difficult to connect. The effects of hypnotism practiced by Sanatan Sanstha are yet to wear off. I feel like a hangover, a hangover one gets after a heavy dose of drugs.

Days pass before I can do anything. I fell so empty headed sometimes. I ask my husband (relationship yet not clear) to stay with me and not go out. My daughter always spends all her free time with me. They don't allow me to feel unwanted.

I have to shake off this feeling. I have to get out of the comfort zone. I have to break out of my shell. I have to start rebuilding my life.

I have to mend broken dreams and mend broken relationships.

Can I do it?

Yes, I can and I will.

I will not allow Dr Jayant Athavale to have control over my life, I will not allow Sanatan Sanstha to dictate to me - ever again.

What is Spirituality

Isn’t it surprising that I am still unclear about spirituality? I left a home, nearly broke my relationships and family for the pursuit of something I am still not clear about. I always felt that spirituality is about searching for the meaning of life, connecting to something bigger than ourselves. Hindus connect everything with God and so do I. So, the search for spirituality is also the path for the search for God, the Eternal Truth, the Ultimate being.

Elements of Spirituality

The basic element of spirituality should have

• Deep awakening
• Enlightenment
• Compassion for everyone and everything
• Forgiveness
• Karma

Once a person increases his spiritual quotient, he can find inner peace and this will lead to bliss.

Thus, on one hand, spirituality and religion are different. But, as the ends of both are same; attaining inner peace and bliss, they are used as synonyms. This is not debated in India at all.

People can increase their spiritual quotient by many methods. Even doing their work diligently and praying to God can increase it. Lord Krishna tells Arjuna

कर्मण्येवाधिकारस्ते मा फलेषु कदाचन। 

मा कर्मफलहेतुर्भूर्मा ते सङ्गोऽस्त्वकर्मणि॥ २-४७

Karmanye vadhikaraste Ma Phaleshu Kadachana,

Ma Karmaphalaheturbhurma Te Sangostvakarmani

In the simplest form, this can be translated as “Do your work without expectation of the fruits of the labor, nor use attachments be the reason for inaction.”

Several great men and thinkers have interpreted this shokla according to their wisdom. I think it means that we should also do good work without thinking about what we will get in return and without looking at our worldly attachments. I should help others without thinking that I will get “Punya”.Punya has no literal translation in English. Put very simply it is the opposite of sin. We can call Punjya as positive marks.

  

What does Sanatan Sanstha say about spirituality

Sanatan Sanstha does not attempt to define spirituality. It says that the science of spirituality is called Adhyaatm Shastra. There is no defined path for increasing spirituality. Though satsangs and dharmasabhas are held regularly at Sanatan Ashram Ponda, we are not able to define the path. When questioned about this we are told that it is our ego which is questioning the sanstha. We are asked to do more naamjap (chanting) and devote ourselves to the seva of Guru, Dr Jayant Athavale.

Sanatan says there are several spiritual practices that lead to spiritual enlightenment. They prescribe methods for everything, there is a way of taking bath (we should take bath without removing clothes), how we should comb our hair, how to maintain hair, even on how to urinate. The scientific explanations are very vague and always refer to our holy texts without giving any specific reference. There are several instances when the reasoning contradict each other.

One big contradiction in my life was the responsibilities of a woman in Grihstha ashram and my stay at the Sanatan Ashram Ponda.

Hindu Dharma has divided our life into four stages called ashrams

• Brahmacharya ashram: the first stage of life from our birth onwards till we get married. Celibacy and education are the main focus in this ashram.
• Grihstha ashram: the second stage of life commences when education is completed and a person marries. The main duties of a married person is to maintain a household, raise and educate children and live a family-centric and dharmic social life.
• Vanaprastha ashram: This is actually a transition stage when a person retires and hands over the responsibilities to the next generation. He should hold the hands till they can handle their responsibilities. The focus shifts from the materialistic world to the spiritual world.
• Sannyasa ashram: the person renounces the materialistic world and adopts the spiritual world. He is engaged in the pursuit of God.

Vedic philosophy allows for a person to shift from Brahmacharya ashram to Sannyasa ashram. This is allowed only for very Enlighted souls who have been born to serve God. However, a person like me in Grihashta ashram cannot renounce her worldly duties. Sanatan Sanstha has given a spin to this angle itself. They lay the blame on my husband’s shoulders directly and also tell me that I have not renounced my life. I am just concentrating more on my spiritual progress.

Other spiritual Gurus do not prescribe to this, but then Sanatan does not care about their views. People like me do not question them, we have relinquished the control of our mind. Families get torn apart.

Broken dreams and broken relationships.

What does Sanatan Sanstha teach you about Spirituality

An institution like Sanatan Sanstha which is engaged in the propagation of Spirituality should focus all activities on its core objective. It should be spending maximum amount and efforts on this and should ensure that its sadhaks also should do the same.

This is not so. My experience at Sanatan Ashram Ponda shows that we hardly spent any time on spiritual practices. The definition of spiritual practice is open for debate, but I feel it can be defined as performance of actions and activities for the sole purpose of cultivating spiritual development. Sanatan or rather its affiliate organization Hindu Janajagruti Samiti, lists chanting as the simplest spiritual practise.

Which activities constitute as spiritual practices

Sanatan Sanstha states that chanting is the simplest form of spiritual practice in this Kalyuga. Which, in turn, means that people like me who have forsaken the materialistic world should be spending the maximum time in chanting. It is not so; I hardly spend a couple of hours on chanting.

Now comes the spin doctor, Dr Jayant Athavale to my rescue. He says that any activity done with bhav can become a spiritual practice. Even if I brush my teeth with bhav, it is counted as spiritual practice. Other activities start getting defined by the sanstha. I cannot define an activity on my own. The list grows bigger and bigger till I activities I undertake at the Sanatan Ashram Ponda become defined as spiritual activities. Hindus are very religious and understand that spirituality and religion are related to each other. Hence HJS and Sanatan also brings in religion into this by making us chant a Diety’s name.

The sanstha undertakes different sevas at Sanatan Ashram Ponda. As any of the seva is defined as a spiritual practice, it seems that whatever I do is in the service of God.

Confused.

So am I. But during my stay there I did not doubt their word. I had no freedom to doubt their words. My mind was under their control and I trusted them blindly.

Collective sevas

Sanatan Sanstha also differentiated between self-service and service towards society. These are referred to as Vyashti Seva and Samashti Seva. They educate us that Samashti seva gives better results than Vyashti seva. Of course, they also benefit the most through Samashti seva. Otherwise where will they find free sweepers, cleaners, drivers, cooks and many others to do miscellaneous manual work at Sanatan Ashram Ponda. Of course, it is the sadhaks who do all this, and when it gets associated with spirituality and bhav, you get life-time free servants. Just what is needed by Dr Jayant Athavale.

Not all sadhaks are allotted this work. Persons staying outside are not required to “work” at the ashram. They are free to spend their time as they want. We, the occupants, who have left our homes and broken our relationships are made to do hard labor. All in the name of spirituality. Funny, isn’t it?

But, how can we complain, we no longer have control over our mind, we can longer take decisions on our own.

And, is there someone who can help us?

Broken Dreams and Broken Relationships.

Initial euphoria and Sanatan Sanstha

Sanatan Sanstha creates a sense of euphoria

The initial days at Sanatan Sanstha creates a sense of euphoria within me. I feel a sense of belonging; a sense of belonging and a supreme sense of Anand or bliss. I am aware that I am missing something; missing the company of my family but I have no time to dwell on it. The sanstha does not give me time to dwell on it. The thought enters my mind but whenever I think about it; I start thinking about sewa, my guru Dr Jayant Athavale and the other sadhaks. Just a couple of weeks at Sanatan Ashram Ponda has been enough to program my mind so much that I cannot even think independently. I realise this later, much later and the realization is brought about by a big tragedy. I will take you through the tragedy at a later stage.

Tears still well up in my eyes even today as I write about that period. How could I do it? How could I lose control of my mind? What did they seek to achieve through mind control? I shudder to even think what could have happened had I not escaped in time.

Broken Dreams and Broken Relationships.

Attachment with Sanatan Sanstha

The attachment with Sanatan Sanstha is so strong that I need their permission to even breathe. I do not think that this is a bad thing, after all, my Guru, Dr Jayant Athavale is to lead me on the correct path and I should surrender myself to him.

The attachment also means that I open up about my inner most feelings and thoughts with the sadhaks. This is done very skilfully. After all, they are experts in mind control. Slowly but surely, in a matter of days, I have narrated my life history and have opened up about my relationships. I have shared my innermost feelings and my deepest fears. I have shared such experiences in my earlier posts.

The sanstha now turns my positive memories into negative ones. Each of my experiences are made out to be bad ones and it is instilled that my family was never mine in the first place. I was just an instrument in their hands and they used me – my family, to fulfil their physical needs. My parents, my husband and my daughter are all selfish. They do not understand me and don’t want to understand me. Sanatan Sanstha stops just short of calling them shaitans, demons and devils. I cannot tolerate this nomenclature but I accept their reasoning.

I also share several other details with Sanatan Sanstha, most of them not connected with spirituality. I have forgotten the advice given by my rakshak and in my haste to please my masters, I have opened  my family to unforeseen dangers. I am in no condition to gauge this. My mind is now controlled by the sanstha, I follow the path laid out by Dr Jayant Athavale. I am not free, I am a zombie.

Flying away

The bird has flown

The time between the last big fight and my flight has given me time to plan my escape. It has given time to Sanatan Sanstha to make certain arrangements. The flight has been planned very professionally. The final decision is mine, it seems. But the sanstha has been egging me during the last ten-day period. Some sadhaks are always near my house within shouting distance. They have been told to create a ruckus in case I shout for help. I am told to shout for help in case my family does something.

Some sadhaks phone me regularly, they call me every hour and particularly when my husband is not at home. They get this information from the watchers. I am encouraged by their words; they praise me for the bold step that I am about to take. They speak as if they are worshipping me. They tell me how proud my Guru, Dr Jayant Athavale will be of me; how I am an example to the society.

They have shown me how to reach Sanatan Sanstha Ashram at Devad, Panvel. I should take a bus as my family can stop the train and check anytime they want to. I should reach the Panvel Ashram on my own, otherwise, the sanstha can be accused of kidnapping.

I have to give a written statement to the nearest police station stating that I have been harassed by my husband and I am going to Goa for meditation.

Once I reach Panvel, Sanatan Sanstha will step in and make all arrangements. I should not fear as I am doing the right thing.

The flight

The big day comes. I wake up early in the morning and pray to Dr Jayant Athavale to give me strength and lead me on the right path.

I notice that the sadhaks have all withdrawn and there is nobody watching the home.

My husband leaves for his bank at his usual time.

I tell my daughter that I have an errand and will come late, I cannot look into her eyes. I don’t want to look her in the eyes. She is a traitor; she is one of them. Let her suffer like the rest of them.

I switch off my mobile and fly. Fly away to freedom, free from harassment, free to live my own life on my own terms. Free to devote my life with my body and mind for Sanatan Sanstha. Free of the materialistic world. Running on the path of Sanatan Dharma towards moksha guided by my guru, Dr Jayant Athavale.

At last, I am free.

Sanatan Sanstha dictates My Personal Life

Sanatan Sanstha tries to calm waters

Sanatan Sanstha played a double role in my life. They first set my house on fire and now they try to “stop” the fire. They started the fire by making me lie to my family, by losing their trust and by making me frustrated. Just when the fire threatened to engulf my home completely, Sanatan steps in to douse the fire.

The Reconciliation Process

The sanstha lays the blame squarely on my family. They say that it has never supported me as they have a tamasic nature. They are idol worshippers but do not follow the true Sanatan Dharma as laid down by the scriptures. They show me several evidences that evil spirits have gained control of my home and my family. They show black spots on old photos, they show how idols in my home have turned black (the idols are silver idols and become black due to oxidation as per science, Sanatan Sanstha says that they become black when evil spirits are present).

They try to counsel my family. The sanstha asks them to join them and propagate Sanatan Dharma. My father-in-law is a well-known social worker. He objects and argues with them. He points out their defects and asks them to leave the house. This is shown as further proof about my family. My father-in-law is now totally against the sanstha. Sanatan suggests that I and my family separate for some time. I go to live at my parents’ house in Pune. 

My husband comes to take me back and I reluctantly agree. By this time, my parents have also turned against the Sanstha. I promise not to do anything with the sanstha.

But, why should Sanatan leave me alone? They have invested a lot in me; time and energy and I am now open to their suggestions.

They call me up repeatedly. I hide the calls from my husband and family. I go out and secretly meet them. Now, the second part of the reconciliation process happens.

My husband catches up

My husband discovers that I am still involved in Sanatan Sanstha. He tries to understand me and allows me time to adjust. The Sanstha people counsel me that my husband will not change; he does not want to change. I should look after my home as if it is part of the sanstha. I should consider my home as a Satanan Sanstha Ashram and my family members as sadhaks. I should serve them as if I am serving my Guru and the sanstha.

This has disastrous consequences. My mind refuses to accept the difference between fact and reality. I am going mad.

Dr Jayant Athavale has total control on my mind. I am a slave to Sanatan Sanstha. I cannot think of anything else. A hypnotherapist has worked his methods on me through pure psychological methods. He has not hypnotized me, he has brainwashed me.

My husband now gives me an ultimatum, either I stay with him and leave Sanatan else I leave him and align totally with the Sanstha.

Broken Dreams and Broken Relationships.

Sanatan Sanstha Creates Fissures

My family and Sanatan Sanstha

Sanatan Sanstha has succeeded in creating fissures in my family. I have started lying to my husband out rightly. I have learnt to justify this flagrant violation of the trust by thinking that the outcome justifies all lies. My husband notices the changes happening in me. He is worried, confused and also feels betrayed. He opposes the sanstha. He tries to counsel me many times. But I am smarter than he thinks I am. I know that I cannot win any argument with him as he is logically correct. But, I have a smart bomb on my side; it has been given by the sanstha. They have identified a key weakness in my husband. He used to get angry when during arguments I used to walk out of the room. It was as if I rejected his arguments and him. They coached me to use this weakness to make him angry. They said that this proved that he was against Hindu Dharma; he was against   Sanatan Dharma. He was a nastik, he did not believe in God. I fell for this psychological trick.

Broken Dreams and Broken Relationships.

I used the smart bombs very effectively. Little did I realise that I was destroying the relationship. Little did I realise that Sanatan Sanstha was controlling my mind and using it against my family.

My loving husband; my biggest enemy

Our relationship started rapidly deteriorating. My husband always used to accompany me everywhere, I used to call him my driver and he never minded it. He used to praise me in front of all his friends; used to praise my nature and spiritual affinity. He used to drive me to all my functions. We used to go on long drives whenever I was in the mood. We had our fights; most couples do fight.

Sanatan Sanstha changed the relationship forever (I still hope it is not forever – he is even today my pillar of strength though we are divorced). They drove the cracks in deeper and deeper and made them wider and wider. We lost trust of each other, any small issue became a full-blown fight. I would not budge from my stand and would leave the room just to spite him and he would blow his fuse. I started neglecting the house and avoiding household chores. My darling daughter, already with learning disabilities, was deeply affected.

But I was not bothered. Sanatan was inside my head; Sanatan Sanstha had taken control of my life. I was a puppet in their hands, to be used as they deemed fit.

Broken dreams and Broken Relationships.