I am deeply affected on hearing about the paralytic stroke attack on my father and want to leave Sanatan Ashram Ramnathi for a day and visit him. My rakshak, an angel in disguise advises me against doing so. What is the harm, why would Sanatan Sanstha not allow me to do so? I will come back; I want to come back. My spiritual journey has just started under the guidance of Dr Jayant Athavale. I don’t want to discontinue it.
No exit door at Sanatan Sanstha
I don’t believe that there is no exit door in Sanatan Sanstha. I have been told repeatedly that the doors of Sanatan Sanstha Ramnathi are always open, we can come anytime we want to and leave whenever we want to. Then, why does my rakshak say otherwise? Does she have any previous experience? She refuses to discuss this any further.
I need to start thinking on these lines. But my mind just does not cooperate. On one hand, I want to go immediately and inform the sanstha about the advice given by my rakshak. But, something stops me just in time. I don’t disclose anything about the conversation in the next day’s personality defect removal process. I am asked about the previous day and the reason for my actions. I cook up a story. The sadhaks don’t believe me but they don’t question me either. I can feel that they have lost a little bit of trust in me.
End of trust
Sanatan Sanstha takes some measures immediately. I am still allowed to go out but now sadhaks pick me from Sanatan Sanstha Ashram and drop me back inside it. I am not left alone for a single minute. There are other restrictions, I can feel them. I am shadowed continuously even in the Sanatan Ashram Ponda. It is not obvious but I can feel it. A sadhak always accompanies me for all the activities. I know her as she has been in the ashram for quite some years. She tries to gain my trust. She offers to share new information or help me with clothes. But, in my heart, I simply cannot trust her.
I feel all alone now. I cannot meet my rakshak even for one minute. I cannot attend any phone calls; she is always within earshot. She sleeps on the bed next to mine. I feel as if I am trapped.
Why should I feel trapped? Is it my mind that is playing tricks on me? Am I imagining thinks; searching for evil intensions where none exists?
Sanatan Sanstha is educating people on the proper Dharma, it is giving education; scientific education on Hindu Dharma, why should it restrict people leaving the organization? There is no reason to do it. I think, my mind is playing tricks on me. Perhaps, the rakshak is not a good person, she seems to have evil intensions and is trying to defame Sanatan.
I am confused. On one hand I am very much concerned about my father’s health, and on another I am worried about the sanstha.
No comments:
Post a Comment