Life at Sanatan Ashram Ponda

Sanatan Sanstha immediately made it clear that it was displeased with the results of my husband’s visit to Sanatan Ashram Ponda. They had expected me to either make him join or provoke a fight. Neither happened despite the sanstha’s and my best efforts. I pointed this out to the sadhaks, but they were not pleased. They said that this was due to my emotional attachment with my family. I had not yet surrendered myself in spirit, mind and body to my Guru, Dr Jayant Athavale. I had to learn to let go and as part of the process, I was instructed to spend more time to remove personality defects. The personality defect removal process is the cornerstone of spirituality practise at Sanatan Sanstha. As it becomes clear later on, it is also a very powerful psychological tool in the hands of some selected sadhaks.

Sanatan reworks my schedule

The pain at having failed my Sanatan during a critical process weighed heavily on my mind. I also agreed with them that I was at fault, my emotions had got better of my devotion towards my Guru and hence I had failed. I agreed to spend more time to remove the personality defects. This would lead to less time for other activities; sevas as well as less free time.

Sanatan Sanstha also asked me to switch off my mobile for some time and not to meet any visitors. As such I had only one visitor during the previous month, so I agreed with them. Switching off the mobile was a difficult decision as my family was my only contact with the outside world. I had started to miss them so much that I could not sleep without speaking to my husband during the night. But, perhaps they were right. I needed to be emotionally detached from my family so that I could follow my Guru’s, Dr Jayant Athavale’s instructions and embark on the true path and discover the spirituality within me.

Family loses touch

The decision by Sanatan Sanstha to make me switch off the mobile resulted in my family losing touch with me. I now started devoting more time for personality defect removal process. The auto-suggestion sessions now took up most of my time. Though the sanstha recommended only 3-4 sessions per day, I was made to undergo 8-10 sessions for the next 10 days. I lost any interest in food and would only eat very meagre food.

Such intensive sessions and loss of touch with the outer world made for a very heavy cocktail and I fainted during one such session.

Sanatan Sanstha took this as evidence that evil spirits (read my family) was trying to entice me back to the materialistic world and were interfering with my sadhana. I was given any treatment nor shown to any doctor.

My “rakshak” came to the rescue. I was in a catch 22 situation; but she deftly handled the situation for me. She talked to the sadhaks who mattered and asked them to put me under her. She would supervise my activities and my behaviour. They agreed.

The impact of my husband’s visit and inability to provoke him had very negative impact on my life at Sanatan Ashram Ponda. I had to undergo sustained sessions of personality defect removal process and also stop contact with my family. My rakshak came to the rescue once again.