Sanatan Sanstha is keeping me so
busy with different sevas that I appear to have lost count of time. I no longer
remember the date or the day. There are no calendars around Sanatan Sanstha
Ashram and it was really difficult to keep track of time. I had a mobile with
me but I used it very sparingly, checking on it only once a day or so.
My husband visits Sanatan Sanstha
Anyhow, after about a week, I
think, my husband finally came to see me at the Sanatan Sanstha Ashram. He had
called the previous day to confirm if I am available. I was very excited about
the visit as I would be seeing my daughter after almost a month. I could not
sleep that night.
I took special care that day and
woke up early at around 4 am. As per our daily schedule, we would wake up at 5
am and start the day with prayers and chanting. I woke up an hour early to
thank my Guru; Dr Jayant Athavale. He had made this visit possible otherwise my
husband would have never visited Sanatan Ashram Ponda. Now, he would feel the Chaitanya
of the ashram and would understand my work. He would accept the sanstha totally
and allow me to continue my good work and start supporting Sanatan. Maybe, he
would also join me in the sanstha. I was a little bit worried that he would
lose his temper and create a scene there.
Sanatan Sanstha prepares for the visit
I was assured by Sanatan Sanstha
that he would not be able to force me back to my home. They counselled me that
he would not join the sanstha though I wished for it. He was a total
non-believer and would never support me. The sadhaks reminded me of the insults
he had uttered against the sanstha. this was not correct, he had never insulted
me or the sanstha, he had only opposed it. But I could not bring myself to
reveal this to them. They were not willing to listen to me. They drummed up several
accusations against my husband and they did it just before his visit.
I was also asked to make him wait
for at least an hour before meeting him.
Sanatan Sanstha appeared to be
instigating me very purposefully. I had no other option but to follow their
instructions. After all, I could not think logically anymore.
As per their instructions, I made
him wait for more than an hour before meeting him. I refused to meet him alone
and insisted that a sadhak remain present with me always. I was very surprised
to see him alone, I was expecting my daughter. He did not offer any explanations.
The sadhak, I don’t remember his name, started by explaning to my husband the
reasons for my flight. He heaped accusations on my husband and called him many
vile names. As per the instructions, I also got into the act and accused him of
gross negligence.
He was silent through-out the
tirade, he did not utter anything in his defence. In fact, he was very calm and
composed. Even when I refused to come back with him, he did not argue with me
and neither did he cajole me to come back. After about an hour or so, another
sadhak offered to show him around Sanatan Ashram Ponda. He only requested me to
accompany him. I agreed as I was also emotionally drained and wanted to see his
reactions. The tour ended in 10-15 minutes as he was not at all interested. I
took him to the Dyan Mandir as I knew that he spent a considerable time in
meditation even at home. After a couple of minutes, he left me and reached the
Swagat Kaksh of Sanatan Ashram Ponda on his own.
I followed him downstairs but, in
order to avoid spending time with him alone, I took another lady sadhak with
me. He did not utter any words and I was waiting to see a positive reaction
from him, one that would indicate that he had accepted my decision and had
changed his attitude towards Sanatan Sanstha. There were no expressions on his
face; neither of happiness, acceptance or even sadness. He handed me some
clothes and some money. I felt like refusing him but I had little option. I was
running out of money and I had no clothes of my own. He enquired about my
health and asked me to take care of myself. He would always be behind me and
would help me in all possible manner.
I felt like crying when he said
this because I knew that he would keep his promise no matter what sacrifices he
had to make. I told him that I just wanted to meet my daughter and if he could
bring her to visit the ashram. He expressed some reservations about bringing
her.
The visit was an anti-climax. I
had tried my level best to provoke him into a fight. I
had tried all my old tactics, but he refused to have a fight. Sanatan
Sanstha had also provoked him and insulted him in front of me yet he refused to
lose his temper. It appears that this round went to him, he succeeded and I
failed. I was now afraid that Sanatan would take out their ire on me.
But for me, it was
Broken Dreams and Broken lives.
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